As the month of February debuts it’s course, I’d say it’s high time that I reflect on it’s sister, the month of January. It’s been a hectic month that felt like it lasted 30 years rather than 30 days. I start my year off with me being back in online school, creating a whole new sense of deja vu to the prior two years.

And to say that sometimes I got a bit restless would be an understatement. I know that sometimes school can be very draining when I feel tired and when I feel stressed thinking about not being able to go to school. Not being able to do my assignments in person and maybe not even being able to complete them.

It had stressed me out mostly since I had a science presentation that I was supposed to work on during the winter break, and present the day after we came back from winter break. The start of 2022 I was sat in my room, on my computer thinking about whether I will submit all the assignments in time.

But a week into January, I realize that I didn’t have to worry and spend time thinking about those things. Sure, my friends were slacking off on their work and they weren’t doing anything to help with my anxiety, but at least I can say that I was working the best I can. That’s all that matters.

After the first week of me being anxious, fast forward to the second week of online school and I was lying on my bed, muting myself on the microphone and just watching attentively. Because I knew that overthinking everything will only cause problems for my mental health.

We didn’t go to school right away. There was a massive blizzard that made mostly anywhere in Ontario snowy and hard to transport in. So we got two days of no work at all right before the exams. (aka the best few days of no worries)

When I came back to school the following Wednesday, I felt a sense of familiarity. I got to see my friends that I haven’t seen in a month. For me, I’m not really good at keeping contact with friends. Example being my childhood bestfriend that I lost contact with after moving to Ontario. Therefore, it was expected that I hadn’t kept so much contact during the break. (other than assignment reasons) So when I first entered my class, I thought they wouldn’t want to hang out with me that much anymore, (which thinking back is a pretty stupid assumption, but that’s just how your brain can make you fear the worst). But I was proven wrong when everyone acted the same as before the holidays. 

After not receiving assignments since November’s midterms, I finally at least got back my physics and astronomy test. When I went to look at the results, I felt a big wave of disappointment. Both of them were 60 %.

I remember I came home that day lying on my bed, crying. I was genuinely upset with myself for getting even worse at the one subject that I’m not good at. Math, Art and Gym are all in the 90% for marks. Though I never really attended 90s in Science, I intended that I improved. But I ended up with the worst mark I’ve ever gotten in my life. And a mark 10 % lower than the first mark I got in the course.

I soon realized that I was being a useless moping around and complaining but never fixing the problem. I realized that exams were coming soon and that if I stop trying, then I’m only going to get worst from here. So next couple days before the exams,  I worked really hard and tried to improve my science understanding better so that I could do well. Now six days later after my exams, I’d say I’ve done a really good job. And I’m proud of what I have accomplish. Whether I do good or bad, I like to say to myself that I tried my best.

On a closing note on how I’m approaching this month, I’m starting February in hope that I will be able to start this new semester with a level mind.  

Take the time to reflect on your start of this year. What is your tactic approaching this month and the rest of the year. Do you relate? If you have any question or things to tell me you can comment.